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In so many ways, craiglist has helped us. Okay, it’s helped decorate our home, entertain our child, get jobs, and on occasion make a bit of money by selling things that once entertained our child. That said, and maybe it’s just me, I can get nothing useful (to me) out of the site. Previously, I went through a fun exchange when trying to sell an iPod Touch. I thought this set the standard for dealing with money on craigslist, however, the following months were much more successful, as we sold and bought items with no hassle.

Recently, I’ve decided to find some gainful employment that leverages my academic skills without being too taxing. That is, I wanted to tutor. The fact that it’s not uncommon to fetch $25-40/hr in our area only helped encourage me. So, after a little wine, I went on the hunt.

Hooray, I quickly found a posting for a position in Agoura Hills–right down the road.

MATH TUTOR (AGOURA HILLS)

Reply to: job-hdpd8-1160162366@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]
Date: 2009-05-07, 9:40PM PDT

Math Tutor needed for 5th/6th grade girl to assist with homework througout the school year and to build math facts foundation during the summers. Consider 4 hours/week, flexible with days/times.

Location: AGOURA HILLS
This is a part-time job.
OK to highlight this job opening for persons with disabilities
Principals only. Recruiters, please don’t contact this job poster.
Please, no phone calls about this job!
Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.
PostingID: 1160162366

Sounded great to me, just what I was looking for, so I replied. When I received the response (shown in full)

Hello,

Thanks for your mail. Let me know the amount you charge per/hr and the
total amount to will charge to teach math for the period of 3 month
and the lesson will be 3 month from now,

Waiting to read from you.

Regards,
linde,

I immediately felt a flashback. It’s too weird to not want your kid tutored right away, especially when it was advertised that this person wanted to reinforce concepts over the summer. My gut instinct was to reply in the same vein as my iScapades–a better name for the iPod shenanigans–along the lines of:

Hi Linde,

I am hope you glad to read from you. I amdit taht Although I quite strong with maths my enlishes are t always so good.

I cahrge 30$ per hr from july and august. after that I like about 25-28$ because of school take time you know? Ha ha

If your still intersected in my services as a teacher for your child, please consider writing to me and I might be could provide you with some informations like my paypal address/passwordz (j/k!

However, something triggered a bit of pity and suspicion that this person may just be someone without complete mastery of English, may really be out of the States and, for one reason or another, be upon hard times.

In an attempt to determine the legitimacy of this whole thing, I wrote:

Hi Linde,

I would like to help out. I’m looking for about $30 per/hr, but am willing to negotiate. You indicated that you’re interested in reinforcing skills learned during the school year. If that’s the case, I’d be happy to arrange a meeting earlier, as a sort of interview and to discuss what techniques work best with your child’s style of learning.

Please let me know if you’re still interested.

Thank you,
Travis

The response confirmed the lunacy (scamminess) of this whole thing:

Dear,

Thank you for the prompt response. Yes….i want my kid for the
tutorial.He is 14yrs old, and he will be in US for 4 months.He just
completed his grade 7,so i want you be to tutoring him Basically in math for
the period of 3 months. I have made contacts with my son concerning
the arrangement of the tutoring which he told me 2 times a week will
be fine with him and i want you to know that i am going to pay for 3
month,which should be.$30/per/hr(which i have in mind) Let me know if the
pay is ok with you so you can fix the exact day that will be fine with
you as well.

Besides,i want to inform you that we don’t live in the
states,we live here in Israel and John will be coming to the states in
3 weeks and i want him to study more about what he need to know while
he is in the states…. So i want you to know that i will be sending
you the payment inform of check so it can be made out on-time.I will
also include his guardian fee in the payment so you can handle it to
her in USA as well.I hope i can trust you that you will teach my son
good academics and some moral respects so he can be good behavior to
the society in future, i hope i can count on you for the tutorial and
the money to be sent to the Guardian.

Thanks and waiting to read from you kindly get back to me with the
necessary details needed for the payment.

FULL NAME:
FULL ADDRESS:
ZIP CODE :
CONTACT PHONE NUMBER:

I will be waiting to read your e mail soon.

Regards,
linde,

Okay, so let’s get this straight. The 5th/6th grade daughter has now become a 7th grade boy. You (Linde), wish to pay me .$30 an hour and expect me to deliver a check to what (I assume) will be his legal guardian here in the U.S. Confusing, insulting, and trusting, respectively. I want to pick at the rest of the email (which I was glad to read from Linde) but little more than my regret over not having sent my first draft email needs to be expressed.

My response was much more restrained than I would have liked, but I was just feeling a little tired tonight. Hopefully Linde’s response will warrant or allow further correspondence; writing to scammers may become my new (loneliest and saddest ever) hobby.

The final response:

Dear Ms. or Mr. 3344,

Now you do have the chance to read my e-mail.

I have become quite interested in helping teach your gender-undecided, quickly advancing child. (Please let me know how to address him/her, though from your last email it seems to be “he”. Also, from his/her rate of advancement it sounds like I should be preparing to teach 8th or 9th grade level math)

Sadly, I must inform you that, for various reasons, I only accept cash payment and work locally. Although I used to prefer PayPal for all my international electronics sales, it turns out that few people wanting to ship iPods to Zambia through craigslist are honest. Additionally, I do not provide any sort of courier services such as delivering money to another person for any sort of reasonable rate–we’re talking a 300-500% transaction fee here as well as coverage of all travel expenses. Therefore, it does not seem that this arrangement will work out at this time.

If, in the future, it becomes apparent that John(×™×•×—× ×Ÿ)/Jane(?) is still in need of some tutoring and is currently in the U.S., you have my email address. In case you need to reach me sooner, you can give me a call anytime at 877-382-4357.

Numerically,

By the way, not to ruin your Googling or anything, but that phone number is the FTC’s scam line and those x’s are supposed to be the Hebrew version of John.

Next time, all zany grammar rules go out the window… I’m sending ASCII LOL cats!